I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
