Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
