i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
