I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
