there's paper in my vomit.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
