I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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