You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its not stalking. its research.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
