I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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