I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
we're so committed to being not committed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
