I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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