??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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