"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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