Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
