Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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