So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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