every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
