I wish my penis had an off switch
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
