I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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