So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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