thus making me awesome and them whores
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
