apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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