Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
