I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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