i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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