You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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