And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
