Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
