I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
