He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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