Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize