chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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