I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
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I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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