my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
