my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
