he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
