Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
