It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ttyl tear gas
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
