I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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