Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
