He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
