The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
