There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
