No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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