from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
