Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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