grandma shit on top of the toilet
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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