just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize