And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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