Kiss
Puke
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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