I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
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PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
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Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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