Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
