I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
