i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
