Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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