I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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