Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
