I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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