You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
