I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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