I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
