I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
