next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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